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The Fear Of Letting Go


Letting go, what is actual letting go - what does it mean? At first glance, it seems to refer to the act of disengaging from a relationship, job, friend, business, idea, negative thoughts, behaviour or addiction. However, to truly learn how to release something that no longer serves you is a process that often involves experiencing a range of emotions and making mistakes to learn what works and doesn't work.


You may have undergone some changes or better understood the situation hindering you. Alternatively, you may have reached a point where you must push beyond your comfort zone and venture into uncharted territory. Although it can be difficult, letting go is often necessary for personal development.


Do you find yourself clinging to a person, place or thing out of fear? Are you holding on because you feel incomplete without it or to avoid feelings of anxiety, low mood or loneliness? If so, what you hold on to may give you a false sense of security. Perhaps you're using that situation, person or thing to avoid looking at yourself and your motivations for grasping because it's too painful to take responsibility or a repressed psychic wound that binds you to that situation. If that is the case, chances are your feelings for them aren't genuine because you are clinging out of fear of........ This can lead to drama, inconsistency, unfaithfulness, negativity, feeling unimportant, invalidation, or inauthenticity within the relationship because your motives for being in the relationship are not genuine. However, If you imagine removing fear from the equation, you may find your answer about your feelings for that person.


Letting go of something or someone can be one of the most challenging and complex things. When you finally summon the courage to let go, you may experience overwhelming and terrifying emotions. Anxiety and fear can take over, and for some, the very foundation of the self may feel like it has crumbled, leaving you feeling lost and uncertain. These emotions can keep you tied to situations that belong in the past, hold you back in life, and even feed the victimhood inside of you.


It's important to remember that letting go is a process that takes time and effort to heal. Being proactive in making changes will help to overcome fear and anxiety. It's key to acknowledge that this is an expected growth process. Just like shedding old skin allows new skin to emerge, letting go of the old allows room for new beginnings.


I believe that fear is often the underlying emotion behind other feelings. Fear is a fundamental human emotion that we are born with. It is hard-wired into our nervous system, and for many of us, it represents symbolic meaning that can manifest into symptoms that can be terrifying or painful. As a result, we use all kinds of stimuli to avoid feeling fear. However, we must face our fears to unlearn, adapt, change, develop, overcome, or emerge stronger. Fear cannot hurt or control you; it's an emotion, and your reaction will hurt you, not the person, place or thing – it's you!


Often, our fear is rooted in past emotional wounds, deeply ingrained in our psyche. You may not comprehend why you feel a certain way, but your behaviours indicate something is amiss. You may find yourself overreacting or overthinking. These imbalances are often linked to past experiences. Initially, you will likely not realise that fear is connected to the past and that the present has activated a memory from the mind or body. However, the current situation may be a result of emotional wounds caused by early abandonment, rejection, or traumatic events, which are stored as implicit memories in the mind (brain) and body.


How I have come to manage fear is by learning from my mistakes. At first, I was not conscious but reacted on impulse, trapped by the highs and lows of the drama mentality. Which I later realised to be an addictive cycle that triggers brain chemicals like dopamine with similar effects to drugs, as if you are trapped in an addictive cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours. Even though leaving can be fearful, I justified, rationalised, and compromised my boundaries to avoid facing the inevitable. The inner void that comes with letting go is a nemesis but equally an essential part of growth.


You may have been putting off what needs to be done for months or even years; it's better to address it now than prolong the suffering.


Similarly to letting go of a job or a career, familiarity breeds contempt, unhappiness, resentment, anger, jealousy, comparing, unhealthy boundaries, stress, and anxiety that can manifest in physical symptoms as the mind and body are interconnected; there is no escape from your choices. In my experience, letting go of familiarity can be stressful and brings about fear and projections - the reason I'm not living in the present and not appreciating or having gratitude for the changes needed to expand my consciousness or self. I have learned that sometimes, I am still learning to have faith and trust in the unseen.


As long as I am being authentic and my motives are honourable, there is a chance it all will be taken care of. I am learning that inaction is a form of action that cultivates trust, faith, and patience. Sometimes, being still to ride the emotional waves of the unknown is part of opening myself up to receive. I need to go all in, meaning surrendering to the situation and letting go of the old for the future to become the present. This isn't easy to surrender, primarily when you rely on ingrained coping mechanisms masking the feelings of the outworn job or career.


How can you move on from a job or career that no longer inspires you when you have a family to support and bills to pay? One suggestion is to find your passion that gives you the fire energy. The fire energy is primal and a must. It is an energy of creativity and encourages movement – little can be achieved without movement. The firey feeling cultivates ideas to create a seed to plant, which is fundamental to the foundation of your goals/dreams.


The ethos is the gradual feeding of the seed, which can be a phone call, a letter, or an email. As long there is movement in a forward direction, the seed grows into a stem, a leaf, a bud, or a flower. It is essential to have passion when taking action, regardless of the time of day. There are no excuses, whether early morning, during lunchtime, while commuting, or late at night. A strong desire to bring about change is necessary to create room for action – the moving forward that counts, no matter how small.


Passion serves as an opponent to fear.


How to release fear


· Be in the present. Projecting about the future will only enhance the feelings.


· Fear breeds doubt. When you allow doubt to take over, self-sabotage becomes inevitable. Don't let doubt control you – it is a form of mind games with yourself – the self-fulfilling prophecy you will fail.


· Exercise is a great way to bring fresh oxygen to your organs and release stress, bringing a sense of rejuvenation.


· Talking to friends, family, a professional person or an agency to support your process.


· Unleash your power by facing your fears head-on. Once you confront your opponent, fear loses its grip on you.


· People can project their fear onto you – it's not yours to carry.


· Practising breathwork can be an effective way to work through them.

· Look at the evidence to challenge fearful thoughts.


· It's helpful to visualise a happy place in your mind. Your imagination can create a safe haven where you can feel calm and at peace.


· Avoid using addictive substances, including relationships, to self-soothe it only causes more fear, and the situation rarely solves itself this way.


· When you're feeling fearful, it's important to continue practising your faith.





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